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Alyosha from Kalinovka orphanage...

January 16, 2008, 0:05 11026 Author: Anna Gerashenko, translated by Natalia Guzenko for www.deti.zp.ua www.deti.zp.ua Little Alyosha has now his loving family. We were looking forward to it so much! We wish Alyosha all the best!

Little Alyosha has now his loving family. We were looking forward to it so much! We wish Alyosha all the best!

Alyesha, you won’t know anything now. You could have had another life, if you were born in another country. You could have lived with mom and dad. With wise and funny people around, with all the children’s funny stories, swings and cartoons.

Alyesha, I am looking into your eyes, and trying to understand, if you were happy for at least those 9 months in your mother’s belly.

Was she bearing you as the little fish in the tank? Was she swinging, rocking you softly? Was she looking through the kid’s clothing with a smile, that is the smile that only a mother can smile. A mother was a mother, she was waiting and dreaming. She was loving and taking care of you. And what is next?..

The fright of the woman. And the voice of the doctor: “Why do you need such a child, simply refuse to take them. You have the whole life ahead…” and that was a real nightmare for her. The husband.. friends.. neighbors.. She lived like everyone else. She does not want to become the social outcast. She can not tie herself with all this.. These are the really forcible facts. This is the life.

And here – the white unusual walls of the maternity hospital. And the one, whom she will not see here anymore is also here. The one, who is slo easy to be escaped from. The one, who is too little and immature to feel any blame at all. She wants to be just as everyone else! Let her go, die there now – and she will not be blamed!! She has to stay there for several days, has to feel the tears on her cheeks, see the hospital clothes. She escapes the maternity hospital with the empty hands, rushing away, trying to walk in the crowd, becomes the usual person, just like anyone else, with the empty look in her eyes.

Alyesha, you are lying there in bed just like millions of the newborns do after they are given birth. And for now you don’t need your hands and feet. For now the only thing you need is the baby’s pacifier.. Mother.. Mommy! Mo-o-o-mmy!

White walls of the maternity hospital. White ceiling of the orphanage. In the orphanage you didn’t yet know, that this is not the worst place of all. The white ceiling of your boarding house surround you all days and years. Sometimes you are allowed to crawl a little bit, you crawl, and you feel fine. The floors are never white. Evening comes just like everything else. Are you scared in the evening? Someone is always crying in the room. What are you thinking about before you go to sleep? What is there in your dreams? What color are your dreams? Are they also white?

It’s deep night in the room, someone is crying, someone is wheezing, and someone gave the last deep breath to the air.. For a moment there was deep silence, as if the whole universe stumbled over someone’s needless life. And after crossing it over, everything goes on as usual. And then there is the wish to touch something soft, lively… The wood of the bed is bitten by the one who was here before you.

And at the daytime, when it’s very hot, the bed is just the same, as well as the ceiling, and only flies are so indifferent to your body. But, you got used to it.

Daytime, daytime is cold…

Daytime, daytime is nothing…

And then another day, when you suddenly understand everything clearly. Out of this prison there is only one way out. Only one way out. But it is so promising. And how can you die? But even this way out is unapproachable for you.

And then comes the white ceiling of the nursing home. Could you feel better in the orphanage? Your last refuge. Can’t you be deprived of the humiliation even there? Is that possible for you, being an adult and a mature person, still creep there, hitting the floor?

Alyesha, you won’t know anything now. You could have had another life, if you were born in another country. You could have lived with mom and dad. No doubt, you could have lived with the mother. With wise and funny people around, that won’t leave her alone, which means that she won’t leave you as well. Leave you with all the children’s funny stories, swings and cartoons. Mother could have taken you to the cruise, because it is difficult to stay all the time at home with you.

Mother will take you to the zoos, children’s playgrounds. And you will be the friend among friends. And no one will ever pity you – because you are just as the others. And you use everything. Why would someone pity you? And you will smile and love yourself. And you will go to the kindergarten and school in the wheelchair.

And your mother won’t have to worry about this. And when you grow up, you will wish to live alone. And the cheerful volunteers of your age will visit you. And you will all together go to the cinema, theatre, bathe in the pool, sunbathe in the terrace in front of the restaurant. Loneliness? Perhaps. The same loneliness that we all feel. We, who have both arms and legs. Just like everyone else.

White color.. Alyesha, what would you answer, if someone asked you what color you like? I refuse to type anymore…

Anya Gerashchenko, Holland-Ukraine, www.ridmo.com

Alyesha lives in Chernigovka Orphanage-boarding school (Kalinovka village) - Zaporozhye region

Info at January 2009:

When I saw Alyusha (Alexey) last time, he made great steps in his development. Despite of his problem with his legs and arms, he behave very smart and he is a leader of his group. He moves very quick, rolling over his body, he play smartly with special toys (using toys hammer and hammer in plastic rods)

You can read an article about Alyesha written by Jane George here

Those who are interested in helping the orphans, please read


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