The life of orphans after graduation from the boarding school is often not easy. From time to time such graduates write to me. Recently I was able to talk with Victoria, who used to live in one of the boarding schools in the Zaporozhye region.
I met Vika in 2007 during a volunteer trip to boarding schools, then she was 12 years old. Then she went with our tourist project Tangle to Kiev and went on a hike to Crimea. After that, I only heard that while studying in the 11th grade, she gave birth to a child.
Even as a child, Vika was different from the rest of the boarding school pupils in her lively mind and ability to clearly express her thoughts. Perhaps Vika's story will help us better understand children who are deprived of parental care.
Viki's story
In family
Dad left mom when she was pregnant. She was then 21 years old. At the age of 7, I first came to the shelter and spent 3 months there, then my mother took me away from there. She found some man 5-7 years younger than her. At first, life together with this person was normal, they both tried to quit drinking.
I started communicating with him. But then suddenly he started hitting mom. I suggested that she leave to live with another man - such a representative one who liked my mother, he played with me and treated me well ... But my mother stayed with the same man who continued to beat her.
I remember how in the rain my mother and I hid from my stepfather in a nearby landing. But she always returned to him, said that she loved this man. There was no reaction to my words that I felt bad.
Shelter
Once I went to the teacher and said that I had no water, food, electricity at home, and I would like to return to the shelter. The teacher promised to help, but for a long time no one did anything. Once, during another fight between my mother and her man, he pushed me, and I realized that now they can kill each other. I grabbed an iron scoop and hit my mother's roommate on the head. She didn't kill, but she smashed her head to the bone.
After that, some people appeared and told my mother: "Choose - either a child or a man." Mom agreed to be taken to the orphanage for a while until she settles everything. And I ended up at the shelter again. I stayed there for 2 weeks and ended up in a boarding school.
In the boarding school
It was spring, I was in grade 3, I was 9 years old. At first, people thought that I could not speak, and even took me to a speech therapist. I was very sad, I thought that I would never see my mother again. I started writing letters home, and after a while my mother answered. We started to correspond, but for some reason I was afraid to ask her to pick me up from the orphanage.
Little by little, I began to communicate with the children in the boarding school, taught and recited rhymes. I even started to like it there. In the beginning, the high school students were in authority, the kids knew who to approach to solve the problem, they knew that it would be conscientious. But every year the composition of the children degraded.
In the boarding school, people often came to me who wanted to adopt me, but I always refused. Not that I believed that my mother would take me away, no, but this refusal was somehow connected with my mother, some kind of pride. Although I knew that most likely I would be fine in my family.
As for the good, the most memorable are trips to Crimea, I was there 3 times. I loved it! I still remember the taste of stewed meat with buckwheat, and it seems very tasty to me. Unfortunately, there is currently no way to go camping for a week or two.
Vika at the boarding school, March 2007
About mom
In the 5th grade, my mother came to me. This news was so unexpected - as if I had heard that life had appeared on Mars. When I went downstairs to the director's office, he said: “Vika, I don’t understand why your mother put you in a boarding school. Look - she is so beautiful, well-groomed! " I went into the office and saw my mother in a beautiful black fur coat. I barely recognized her. She earned money in Russia, skimped on it. She stayed with me for literally half an hour or an hour. And in the courtyard, her stepfather, whom I used to call dad, was waiting for her.
My mother and I continued to correspond and sometimes called each other. She was often drunk, told some fantastic stories, and even at the age of 12 I understood that this was not true. She did not listen to what I asked her to do. As a child, while I lived with my mother, I loved her very much. My mother took me everywhere with her, even when she met men, at that time I was walking somewhere on the sidelines. She said that she needed me because I was precocious for my years. She had an algorithm with me on what to do in what situation. They even sold me vodka and cigarettes.
In the 6th grade, my mother came again, well-groomed again, with a new man much older than her. His name was Valera. Together with my mother, they went to the Kuban to pick apples. Valera tried to wean his mother from alcohol. I told him that mother would not be with him for a long time. They soon parted ways.
The first love
I often took part in sports competitions, went in for dancing, athletics, volleyball. One day after our not-so-good volleyball game, I was upset and I heard someone calling me. Turning around, I saw a boy I didn't know. He wanted to talk to me, but I didn’t react to it and returned to the boarding school.
In the evening of the same day, he came to my boarding school and said: "Vika, I really like you, you will be my wife!" I was surprised and indignant: I’m only 13 years old, and in general I didn’t like these guys then. He was somehow ugly, he spoke obscenely. I advised him to first learn to speak normally, then we will communicate. I also asked the teacher not to let him in to see me anymore. But he came day after day, sat on the fence. Sometimes a bunch of girls spun around him.
This went on for six months, and I did not know what to do with it. But when I left for the camp, I felt unusual that he was not there. We began to call each other. Then he came to the camp and we started dating. He was 2 years older than me. In terms of intimate relationships - I was 15 ... It was May. Yes, different services came to us and told us that there are different contraceptives, condoms, but ... This guy said that he had a lot of girls, and he knows everything what and when. And we did not use protection - May, June, all summer ...
Pregnancy
In the fall, he went to the army, and I was supposed to be 16 years old. On September 10, I found out that I was pregnant. It seems to me that he knew and wanted my child to be born. Yes, in principle, I also wanted a baby, but when there were suspicions of pregnancy, I got scared and did not want to admit it to myself.
There were condoms in the first-aid post in the boarding school, but they weren't even offered to me personally - I was an exemplary girl. Although in my case, if someone suggested, told everything and gave a pack - perhaps everything would have been different. Sometimes some service came to us and told us about diseases and methods of contraception, distributed condoms - but everyone laughed and just tore or threw them, embarrassed to keep them with us. If you would somehow communicate with us more individually, it would be more useful.
The first to notice my pregnancy was my biology teacher. I communicate with her to this day. She asked me if I was pregnant, but I said no, because my boyfriend is in the army. Only in December we bought a test, and it showed everything.
When they found out that I was pregnant, different teachers gathered, and the nurse took me to an ultrasound scan to document everything. On the way to the ultrasound scan, I wrote to Serezha's dad (that was the name of my boyfriend) an SMS that I was pregnant and they were taking me for an examination. After a short time, Serezhin's dad rushed in by car and followed us.
The ultrasound scan was set 19 weeks. Seryozha's mother also arrived, she cried with happiness. And I realized that everything is fine: the parents, thank God, already know everything.
Family life
On March 5, Seryozha arrived, and I married him. It was a serious wedding, relatives came, everyone got drunk, and even then I realized that I could not expect family life as such. I hoped that Seryozha would stay with me, but he went to the center of the village for a walk. He believed that having received a vacation from the army for 7 days, he needed to hang out up to his fullest, because after returning, he would no longer have such freedom.
After the army, he began to walk even harder, drink, change. Once he and three of his friends beat a forty-year-old man, who after that lay in the hospital and ate from a straw. Had to pay a lot of money to settle the matter. Sometimes he came all in lipstick, and climbed up to me, it was very unpleasant. And I had nowhere to go. I did not understand how such love and such promises were replaced by such an attitude. I practically did not go for a walk to the center, if I was a couple of times, then together with Seryozha. He was very jealous, and he was jealous for no reason.
When I entered the university, I realized that everything can be completely different. It turns out that the guys could be polite, and this did not always mean that it was a sign of attention. It was crazy for me that a guy could be polite to a girl.
Choice of profession
After the 11th grade, I passed the ZNO, the scores were not high, although I studied well. I tried to enter the Berdyansk Pedagogical Institute as a choreographer, it was my dream. I told Seryozha's mother that I would not study anywhere anyway, well, maybe I would get a job as a cleaner in a hospital to work. But my mother convinced me to go to Zaporozhye and go to a dentist. The admissions office was advised to apply for a medical case and a pediatrician. By some miracle, I went to the pediatrician.
When I had to go to study for 5 days for the first time, my daughter Nastya was one year and three months old. I didn't know what to do. But my mother reassured me and began to look after Nastya. I came home every weekend. Now I am already finishing the 5th course. Nastya was essentially raised by Sergei's dad, they are even similar in character.
Higher medical education and motherhood
Every year my husband left for 8 months to work in Russia, you understand what family life was like. As a result, I didn't feel anything for him at all. Only out of respect for Sergei's parents was not divorced. They became like foster parents for me. Immediately after the wedding, Sergei's dad said: "If you call us by name again, and not mom and dad, then you won't live in this house anymore!"
They really wanted a daughter, and were happy when Nastya was born - a blonde with blue eyes. Parents loved her very much, dad began to drink less, Nastya gave meaning to his life. Now Sergei is in Russia, lives with another woman, they have already had a daughter. He communicates with Nastya via Skype, although his daughter is not very active in this communication.
Student life, divorce and mothers and daughters
Already at the university, when I managed to go for a walk with the girls, I suddenly realized that some carefree part of my life was gone, and I really miss it. With the birth of a child, I quickly became an adult. Sometimes I mentally blamed Sergei for this. I just wanted to go with my girlfriends and have fun in my free time - I don't mean to do something indecent. I noticed that I somehow began to devote less time to Nastya and was scared of this distance. I sometimes began to take her with me to Zaporozhye. We talked with friends, made pizza together, I was resting, and my daughter was there. This situation suited me very much.
I liked the medicine after the 4th course, when the practice began, going to hospitals. Before that, studying was a burden to me - she separated from Nastya. After a divorce from my husband (in the 4th year) I wanted to earn as much as possible, help my parents, prove that I can cope without my husband.
Influence of the boarding school on grown-up children, pros, cons and reflections
Sometimes I wonder if I will repeat the path of my mother. Fortunately, I have no alcohol addiction, but I have another job.
If you look back at my past, then, in principle, I do not regret anything - but I would like to study more, devote more time to my development.
What I like about the university, and earlier I liked about the boarding school, is the discipline, some kind of regime. Even at a lecture, when there are 150 of us in the audience, we have to sit in robes and hats. Although, it would seem, what's the point of sitting in a hat? Now I have practically no diet and life, and in this regard, I miss the boarding school. There were some bad things in the boarding school, but this did not concern me - at that time I studied and danced.
About relatives
The last time I spoke with my mother was when I was 16 years old. My ex-husband and I went to her. My mother still had children, in my opinion, Yura and Valya, she left them in the maternity hospital and then they ended up in the “Solnyshko” orphanage. Mom was very thin, drunk and beaten, and still lived with her stepfather. I felt very ashamed. I wanted to show some kind of care, but she did not give me the opportunity to do it. She got into the back seat of the car and I saw that she had a big belly. I exclaimed: “God, are you drunk, beaten, and you have a child? And if you give birth to a disabled person? Why are you punishing him? "
I went to «Sun», when I was in my first year, I tried to find my brother and sister, but no one told me anything. I have a desire to find them. They even said that my brother sang well in the orphanage.
A year ago I found my own dad in Molochansk. I wrote to all the people from Molochansk via VKontakte, and asked if they knew my dad ( said his name). I wrote 200 letters, and there was one guy who helped, recognized my father's number.
I called my father, who hadn’t heard of me for 22 years. I gave her first and last name and asked if she was telling him something. At first he was silent, and then he said that he would call me back. I waited 2 hours and decided to call him back myself. I chatted to him for about 5 minutes that I didn't ask him anything, I just wanted to talk. I found out that he has a wife and children. He lives quite normally, in a two-story house.
Vicki's story is one of many. One can argue a lot why Victoria was able to get the profession of a doctor and rise to a new social level. Perhaps the reason was the strong inner core of our heroine, perhaps the support of the parents of her ex-husband, perhaps the birth of her daughter gave new strength. But in any case, Vicki succeeded!
This story teaches us that each person has a “place in the sun” and each of us can support a child left without parental warmth with a kind word, or even better with a deed.
If you lived without parents and studied in a boarding school, please share your story with us. - info@deti.zp.ua
